Confession

Morning Sun

2011-05-09T10:01:00.002+01:00

Free Will and Determinism paradox

2009-02-20T17:25:00.001Z

After the discussion I observed yesterday, I have been thinking about it myself. I will start off with De Facto and explain the paradoxes.

Free will is the assumption that human actions have no generative cause because of the complexities involved in determining the will to provoke the action. It is assumed to be incomprehensible by human mind therefore neglected.

In the other hand, determinism assumes that all actions have a cause. This is derived from the observation of the world in detail/minute scale where particle behaviour has a preceding cause.

Now we shall look at the paradoxes, starting with free will. If a human or any living creature exercises a will, their actions are generated from a phenomenon that is exclusive to them and doesn't need to abide by the existing natural laws. It is an exception to the rule. For example, it is like saying, a ball bounces according to natural laws but living creatures, or as we prefer to think, humans, have a spiritual ghost that drives the free will mechanism. This of course would be an unacceptable argument from any rational perspective.

As for the paradox of determinism, it can be explained simply by the following metaphor. A ball flung against the wall of an enclosed cube floating in space would continue to bounce against the sides of the wall as there would be no frictional force resulting in from gravity if we assume that the enclosed cube has no capacity to inflict gravity or frictional force. If there are several balls in the enclosure, they will probably head for collision course against each other introducing a more complex activity. If we imagine the human brain with particles behaving in this manner and driving the workings of the body, there would be little point in debating the truthfulness or falsehood of the two positions because even the activities resulting in someone attesting the correctness of free will have gone through the same deterministic processes. There is no criteria for "truth" in the situation. And we can know for sure that truth exists because "truth doesn't exist" is in itself stating a truth statement.

I feel that the best way to compromise between the two position is to look at another metaphor. We are aware that the world is a spheroid but from first person perspective, it is perceived as a flat plane. In the same way, determinism can be pictured as the whole and free will as the local perception rather than view them as two separate entities. This is possible to perceive from the viewpoint of an external observer, who is aware of all the activities taking place in the brain and has a machine capable of predicting the next action based on determinism, however being unaware of their own free will induced by the deterministic quality of the brain.

It just seems easier to think that the world is a flat plane while working locally. If we agree that the purpose of life is to be happy and if ease of achieving the purpose itself fulfils the purpose, it can be said that free will can make us happier.

Untitled

2009-02-15T17:40:00.001Z

Well, the last few days, running up to my birthday, have been a blur. I’ve been appointed as the new secretary of the Visual Arts Society. Have been going out more frequent than usual and amount of time I’ve been spending in the library has been less than I’ve been expecting to. Last Thursday and Friday were especially crap coz we had lectures all day. Week earlier was Bath Winter Wonderland so the Thursday and Friday lectures of that week got cancelled. Therefore, we had to work extra hard this week to catch up with the course content. Still haven’t started to bother looking for an accommodation but don’t have any driving energy to make me start looking for one. Watched “Slumdog Millionaire” yesterday. It was a brilliant movie. A soundtrack was especially pleasant to the ears namely “Paper Planes” by Mia. The day was short and it was time for Valentines Comeplay. Eep. The details I don’t think I will forget so I will keep it to myself.

Feel like drawing. I think I will go do that. Can’t believe I kept this one short. But it pretty much sums up the last few weeks of my life.

Ps. Feel blinded.

Exams and deadlines

2009-01-19T03:05:00.001Z

“Oh wow, how interesting… he is writing about his deadlines… now I can bore myself my reading it” is my obvious guess at what you might be thinking right now. Apologies if I’m wrong… but please, you don’t have to read this.

Since I’ve already bored you with the pointless paragraph, I’m going to talk about the actual point of this whole blog which takes us back to the title. Detail design deadline… and three days for the Building Environment exam, and another two days for Structures exam and the History essay deadline three days ago. Fun.

Its amazing how quickly all of that passed. For Detail Design, didn’t sleep for three whole days. Don’t know how I did that… of course I took a few power naps here and there. But even then, I managed to miss the deadline because I was so tired, I just couldn’t help but go to sleep and got up ten minutes before the deadline and I had an entire poster to finish. Therefore, I ran across to Martin’s office and he was kind enough to allow me to finish off the poster past the deadline.

The Building Environment test… I have mixed feeling regarding how the result is going to reflect the amount of effort I put into it. I hope to pass… because I don’t think horrendously bad but due to the fact that I only spent 3 days of the whole semester trying to revise for it, I just don’t know whether that was enough effort or not.

As for the Structures test, it seemed to go okay but after the end of the exam and whilst discussing the method of derivation with friends, we all seemed to have different results for some of the questions that seemed to be easy… but we’ll see how it goes. The first question was relatively simple to get past even though I spent a whole 20 minutes on it because I had doubts over whether I’d miss easy marks but I think I did it fine at the end after a lot of scribbling over and rewriting.

The essay submission which I stayed up all night doing, was mostly spent on trying to decide what pictures would go on it as well as labelling the pictures. I was brain dead halfway through the night so had to wait till the Student Union shop opened in the morning so I could recharge myself with Relentless. The body felt terrible due to the fact that I had consumed three cans of it before the deadline but ended up consuming another can after the deadline. However, all I needed to ensure was that I’d not go to sleep and miss the deadline like the last time. Managed to get the poster done before the essay and wasn’t particularly impressed with the conclusion in the essay but didn’t feel as though I had enough time left so spent the last hour trying to print off the essay and the poster. Twelve minutes before the deadline, I sent the poster off to the printer with Philippos’s help, due to the fact that he let me use his printer credit . I handed it in two minutes before the deadline. I felt sorry for a few people who were still waiting to get their posters printed and missed the deadline because this girl from higher year was trying to get her huge drawings printer. But apparently, later found out that Rob accepted their work after the deadline anyway.

Have been just chilling out for the last couple of days and not worrying too much about the exam on Friday. Not too worried about it as long as I get some light revision done before the date. Probably will have to get started properly tomorrow. Have been showing Philippos the videos on Zeitgeist and he pushed him into a thinking mode. I am myself unsure about my position because the way they talk about resource based economy and its advantage over money based economy sounds almost too good to be true. Even Stefan Molyneux seems to be sceptical about the proposition made. However, I wouldn’t mind supporting it and seeing how the world would turn out if the plan was implemented. Surely it can’t be worse than the present state of the world.

Been talking to Andrea and Mike today, I know you guys might read this so I don’t mean to mention you guys in any particular order. We talked for a few hours on MSN and talked about abiding to a code of conduct which includes: always speak the truth; always be reasonable; and always be virtuous. They didn’t seem to be too happy about following these conducts even though I tried to explain how they shouldn’t treat other people if they don’t want to be treated in the same way. I don’t know. I hope to have at least made them think about it. I believe its all about informing people so everyone is closer to the objective reality of which I have ever diminishing doubt of its existence which is a complete contrast to how I felt about it probably last year. Can’t help myself but laugh about it now.

And it was really nice to actually speak to Sangam as well after such a long time. Haven’t had any contact with her in months. She sounded very happy and almost sounded as if she had a Japano-Nepalese accent. It was quite strange but nice at the same time. I was pleased to hear that she was taking photography lessons and had really made progress in her Japanese. Can’t wait to hear her speak in Japanese someday.

Ben helped me with my shopping today as well for which I have to thank him again. He’s a good friend and his sarcastic humour is admirable. We have long philosophical conversations once in a while and I always find them pleasant.

Just as a side note, I can’t stand him anymore. The only conversation we ever seem to have is about housing. I really don’t want to be in the same house as him. Similar music taste doesn’t mean we have the same personality. I just hope that my behaviour around him will get that point across to him. I can’t confront him directly for complex reasons that I am unable to get across on here. He knows who he is.

I think that would be it. Congratulations for getting this far. Ta ta!

Happy F***ing New Year

2009-01-01T23:45:00.001Z

Haha what a joke. I went to London to celebrate new year with a few friends. The plan was to just tour around London throughout the day and observe the firework during the night. It was, I suppose, quite a dear day out. However, that is really not the worst part. While the day was pretty good, after the countdown and the fireworks, due to the crowd, the train station was barred by the police so I missed my last train home. I tried to keep warm by going back and forth in the underground tube and ended up in Charing Cross. After getting chucked out at five, I got some food to eat from McDonalds and stayed in there for warmth but got chucked out of there as well at around half past five. So I had no choice but to wait out in the cold till half six. My feet were cold and the body was very tired. After the station opened, I went to inquire about the expired ticket and told them it wasn’t my fault I didn’t get on the train earlier in the morning so I shouldn’t have to pay for another ticket. They were fussy at first but later agreed to let us travel with the same ticket after more people complained. I boarded the train at half past eight. On the way, I did a couple of drawings so commemorate my resolution for the new year, namely, reaching new frontiers of creativity. So all in all, a crazy start to a new year. Hopefully you all had a good one as well :)

Anxiety over deadlines

2008-12-30T23:07:00.001Z

Another big break before I'm posting here again. Continue this trend and the next time I post, I will be quite dead already. So to excite the enthusiasm of posting blogs, I'm going to tease myself with a bit of what it used to be like. I know for a fact that I enjoy it... I just haven't 'bothered' frankly. Perhaps due to its zero popularity inferred from the dead statistics of comments posted for the previous entries. This one is for my own reference alone so it doesn't trouble me too much knowing no one is going to read it or find it interesting enough to comment.

I had two assignments, nothing more. I only have a week left out of three weeks of time I had. In fact, its less than a week. I have read and re-read various articles on Le Corbusier and also have been going back to the actual brief trying to understand what it is actually asking of me but have not managed to make any sense of it at all. With a genetic trait that reduces me to a retard when it comes to writing essays, it makes the matters much much worse.

Lets not even talk about the detail design assignment… haven't even started giving it thoughts yet.

And this is a jar of pickled onion

The past few months have been a rollercoaster ride. After much consideration, I'm now an anarchist from no political views at all and an atheist from an agnostic. Life suddenly feels much lighter. I can spot the birds flying in the sky again. Time too, for the past few months, feels like it is strapped to a jet engine. Everytime I blink, its another day. Not even being poetic here.

Okay, I'm not going to make this one too long because part of the reason I stopped blogging was I always waited long enough to write lots of stuff then get tired and get bored. So I'm going keep these babies short and sweet and easier for you to digest as well. x

Exams are over!

2008-06-14T00:14:00.004+01:00

Wow! It kept me busy for so long, I even forgot I had a blog. Well, of course I knew I had a blog but I never had the time to update it so I guess I should apologize to the non-existent readers for that. Anyway, just dropping by to reflect on how my mentality has changed over this period I have vanished. But before that, I just want to declare this "Yay!" feeling that I have about the exams being over. So I guess I am sort of happy about that.

If you have come here as a result of watching my YouTube videos, I realize how I expressed at some point that I thought the world was just an illusion. I didn't explain it very clear there but I have a good reason for not being able to... and that is, I didn't know why I thought the world was as illusion. Perhaps just re-telling the same thing someone else told. One can only speculate.

However, ever since, I have been on a quest to find out why. First of all, I had to realize the purpose of life. I decided that the purpose of life is to be happy. Or content or whatever. Because, boy it feels good to be content. We all seek contentment in one form or another. Some might believe they can be content by killing themselves, thus by ending the worldly suffering or just go and doing what they enjoy most. I think I like the second approach better. However, most people take the suffer we see around the world for granted. Like there is supposed to be suffering without any cause and there is nothing we can do to avoid it. I see that to be a ludicrous approach to life. Any rational human being knows that freedom is out there. Hence we feel compelled to compare everything we have in our lives to that idea of freedom. If the idea of freedom is rational, it is definitely possible. This is due to the fact that rationality resembles consistency with logic. I think you get my point here so I will move on.

So what makes us happy? In personal terms, getting what we want and doing what we enjoy most. In social terms, honesty and reception of non-aggressive behaviors. My idea of aggression consists of any form of facial expression that resembles even a slight tint of motive to cause discomfort to gory knife slashing throat slitting horror flicks you get to see in horror movies but of course in reality, including everything in between. (eg. a punch)

What a life.

2007-07-05T23:21:00.001+01:00

Wish it was easier to give up. So much has happened since the last update and even now, I'm in such an awkward position and cant think of anything better to do.

Happyness

2007-05-31T11:23:00.000+01:00

I finally understand it. Although, I need to try it out first before I can believe it. But my mind is very faithful with the idea of the secret - the law of attraction. I just watched a very philosophical documentary about the law of attraction. I am starting to think that I was probably led to watch it because I wanted some change, an improved change in my life. And there it is, on my doorstep, waving at me. I couldn't help but be felt inspired. Yes, it was indeed that good. These are some of the quotes that I noted down from the course of watching the documentary that I picked up to have great values. Of course, there was more of them but my mind could only pick up so much and I am planning to watch it again at some point in the future to prevent tediousness of mind. Here they are:

Treat yourself how you want to be treated and love yourself until you're so full you overfill so that goes to others.
You create your own reality.
Energy and God are related. They can't be created nor destroyed. It has been there, its there and always will be there. Only difference is who describes it, a theologist or a quantum physicist.
Believe that everything will go right from here and it will.
Whether you say you can or you can't, you're right.
Focus upon what you want that you believe possible, you'll get it.
The more you think about what you don't want, the more of it you shall get as you're focusing your energy into it.
There's nothing you're supposed to do, only what you want to do.
Have an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful towards what you have and you're happy with, it will remain that way.
The more you use the law of attraction, the more you'll understand about it.
Write, illustrate, feel.... the things that you really want.

I made a few of those up but I thought they made enough sense bring them to attention of your mind. Mind, how beautiful it is... how addictive it can make you... how it creates a sense of existence... for reasons who know what. How it leaves us with an opportunity to define our purpose... leaves us with the choice as to where we want to go next... how it sometimes exaggerates what we perceive... simply to test us, to find out just how rigid we are... to figure out just how we're going to cope with it if we're able to cope with it and if we choose to cope with it. On the pursuit of bettering the quality of life, betterness defined by health I've always had till the date, the wealth I'd opt to have more of but not short of and the love that will leave a mark of our existence after we're gone, I'd have to think of only the things I want and have a non-existent idea of things I wish I didn't have. Of course to realize what we want, we'd have to contrast it with feelings that negate our desire. After realizing what it is that we want, we can always suppress the negative feelings. Once someone whose name was Rachael asked me "Why are you so happy?" Now, need there be a reason to be happy? Happiness is just a state of mind that we can choose to establish which will make the better of us. Sometimes, my mind rewards me for being happy. It rewards me with answers to questions and things I never thought I'd ever think of. It just made me realize how the word "Michael" and "Rachael" only have the first two letters different yet sound so different when pronounced. Now you don't come across realizing that everyday and that makes me so happy that I did. Okay, not much to say about my life... when I feel like it, I will tell you.

Music Video Review

2007-05-09T07:44:00.000+01:00

Okay... me posting these videos all the time makes my blog seem like a Music Video reviewing site but its just a blog lol. But I have another song that really touched my heart and here it is.

I really love this song... I didn't quite when I first heard it but I just grew into it... probably coz I heard Kelly singing it... She had a really sweet voice. If you're wondering what this song is called then it is "Travellin' Soldier" by "Dixie Chicks". Funny how I thought this band was another Sugababes alike band... turns out its not and they are 1000 times better. The lyrics is more amazing than anything else. I mean its just a simple two people falling in love with each other thing and the guy dies at the end.. but there is this little extra.. and that makes it the extraordinary song that it is. Anyway, lets talk about what I've been upto. I've finally finished my Cities project final piece. Well, I like to believe so anyway.. And I really need to get more work done as the deadline is this Friday as well as the exam. I don't know how I am going to manage that but lets pray to god that I will. Not much to say really but for some reason, I am losing the motivation again to work and I am always building appetite for food. I think I will skip that P.E. thing again today and do some more work. Don't care if there's a match or not. I need to attend that revision class anyway. Thats about it really. Not much going on, and not much to say... so peace out.

I Fought The War

2007-05-08T00:03:00.000+01:00

Just ran past this great song/video and I just couldn't help but post it here... Its the remix of "Monster Hospital" by Metic. How I love it... Heard it on the radio earlier on and fell in love with it straight away. Don't have to much to say at all except all that time was wasted... all that time I had available to complete my work... I just let it slip away... can't I have it back? Can't I wake up tomorrow and can't it be Sunday morning? How I wish it could be that.... I'm so tired.. I'd write more if I had actually done much... I'm so tired of doing nothing so I will go to sleep and get recharged for that school tomorrow.. I feel as though I haven't done something that I should have... its weird... Well anyway.. bye.

Running Away...

2007-05-05T07:39:00.000+01:00

Woah that was some weird dream... don't know what I was running from but it was definitely something... I was carrying some sort of tile and I was running with it under my arms. I was about to go down the elevator but it close and I had to take the stairs downstairs which was a one person stairs, meaning only one person could go down the stairs at a time. Don't ask me how coz it was just a dream. And well.. I managed to escape from whatever was chasing me... I even know why the thing was chasing me... If he managed to retrieve the tile, he would swing it at me and kill me... although it started when I swung the tile at him in the first place and barely missed him... he swung it back at me and I took hold of the tile and started running... I think the dream is a result of me watching the preview of Hannibal the Cannibal last night... it was pretty weird... how can anyone eat another person... its just inhumane.... but then again, so are most things in the world. Anyway, snapping back to reality, started working again yesterday... it was pretty weird because first I was late and second, manager wants to strike a deal with me asking me to meet halfway with what they want and what I really need until my exams are over. So I agreed to working on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays but I'd get short shifts. It sounded alright because I just can't work for too long.. Got work at 9 all the way till 3... hope I will live through it... Next week though, I'll be working 3 days... Friday, Saturday and Sunday, 5-8, 5-9 and 5-10. And oh my god, I felt god at work yesterday when I forgot to bring my folder along with me to work over the long weekend because of the exam next week... and I was really hoping that something would happen that would help me retrieve my folder and get to work on time... or something similar and it happened! I ran back to school when I saw the train was due for 22 past... ran like a dog, borrowed Bikrant's phone to call my mom to pick me up at the train station and ran back to the station and all that took me 10 minutes and that was when I wished I didn't run because I was out of breath and there was still 15 minutes more to wait!!! But anyway, after the train arrived, we, me and Godwin, just managed to find a seat because it was packed... probably because the train was delayed for several hours. After getting to Ashford, my mom drove past all those roadworks that were happening and finally brought us home.... and ran about the house , got my stuff together for work and she drove me to my workplace. That was when I wished I had asked her to bring my work clothes coz I could have just changed and gone off to work. I got to work 10 minutes late but the manager seemed to understand without any explanation why I was late.... and then I just worked after those negotiations. Got home at 8... apparently Dad had been offered a new job... where he would only have to work 37 hours a week rather than 60 that he currently works and he'd still get paid nearly just as much. We had our meal, after which I did the usual deviantart stuff and went to sleep after a shower... Omg I have to get ready for work in the next 10 minutes but first, just to let you know, I'm quite happy with the completed version of Jo's painting... she doesn't know about it yet and I'm so excited to show her... hope I can talk to her tonight. I also need to get some art equipment after work... so hope I remember coz the shops are going to be close tomorrow and the day after. Well this is it for today... as you can see, it was a very busy day... in a strange way.... I felt quite confident when dealing with all those situations... which I am pleased about... okay really gotta shoot off now so alligator!

Just Blogging....

2007-05-03T21:42:00.000+01:00

Okay... furious... no.. angry... or am I? I don't know... confused? Thats probably it. I don't know what I am confused about. It was all going so well... but why did it all have to just stoop just like that... What was the cause? Please!! Someone help me figure this out... I can't even think that was... maybe its coz my head's itchy coz I haven't had shower for a while... I do feel I really need a haircut... as it just gets worse by the day... Man... can't help but mention this song playing in the background... Here (In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye....

And there I go, I'm watching it again... its a great song... but I used to have different views about it before I watched the video... its really the video that makes a song great or not coz it tells you what the meaning is behind the song... and the artist is pretty much just confirming it in the video... Well, thats my view anyway... Both yesterday and today were quite crap because I didn't get what I wanted out of them... First, that eye turns out to be too big... and today, the right side of the face is messed up.... can't wait till tomorrow so I can sort it out... oh my god... why don't people just leave me along when I've requested them to. Why do they have to try and know everything, even matters that don't concern them... that caused the majority of disruption today and I hope they all die tonight so I have no one to cause any disruption tomorrow. Seriously, they should all get a life and let me carry on with what I'm doing. I guess I should put the blame on others too much. Guess its my fault too... Guess I need a break... But why do I? I enjoy it... I enjoy the whole thing... it brightens up my day... makes life worth living.. as I was saying to Jo earlier, grief channeling through my body to the canvas forming the colours of the rainbow, fears turning black, guilts turning white... What is it that I need? One thing's for sure.. its not what "you" think I need... Have had enough of that... Well I feel really sleepy so will you just let me go to sleep already? Bye.

Bank!

2007-05-01T18:33:00.000+01:00

Okay what are these banks upto? They don't even show the balance correctly... why does my day have to start off with a rush nowadays... and today, I have the bank to blame for it... Why? Because I thought I had balance in my account as it showed 39.00 on the online banking page... So I was all please but at the same time, confused because I couldn't think of where it could have come from. I rushed to the cash point... and entered the pin... had my train in 5 minutes... waited... pressed Withdraw Cash... £10.00... and it tells me I have insufficient funds on my account... I was like what the fuck! It was clean and clearly displayed there was 39.00 and I thought I noticed a D next to those digits... Then I realized I was debited by the bank... I mean... seriously... if I am in debt, shouldn't it be better indicated? I mean... its a debt for fuck's sake... what if I never realized and I was started getting charged... Ugh... other than that, another productive day... pleased with all these productive days following one after another... it actually feels good in a way... I just realized I still haven't replied to that gap year program thing... Sandie her name is... I just don't know what to say when I do reply... its such a dilemma... dont know what I'm going to do... whether I want to stay on at school next year or do that job with the engineering firm. Actually... I do actually want to do the engineering work experience... but my parents... they are a bit hesitant about it... and really making me reconsider matters every time... and its just taking longer and longer... I do want to reply as soon as possible as the opportunity is slipping by every ticking second... I just tell myself I need more time to think... although there is nothing to think about... I know what I want to do... I just need to figure out what is stopping me... I guess I am going to do some more maths again later... really need to finish that last exercise in the last chapter of the last book of the last year of maths... for A levels of course... who knows.. I might be doing Maths in university.... we'll just have to wait and see... I really like what i did today at Art lesson... Took me total of 5 hours to complete... and was fairly pleased with the end result. If I carry on at this rate, I am bound to have thousands of artworks before I'm dead... I guess it could be possible but like every other artist, I'd only be renowned after my death... lol.. but I guess pleasing the current audience is just as important so I guess I will be focusing on that throughout my life... Oh yeah, I will definitely do that... in fact, I will paint more than a thousand artwork... maybe 10,000 or so... yeah that should be enough.. I think I will stop talking nonsense now and get back to work.. laters.

EarthQuake Holiday

2007-04-30T11:27:00.000+01:00

Okay I will give up posting everyday coz this is the second time I messed up. I will just post one whenever I can. Anyway... a surprise holiday today... thanks to the nature... Apparently the structural stability of the school isn't very good... So it had to be shut down for investigation. Ah well, I can live with that although I very much fear how I am going to finish my Art coursework by the end of this week... I will definitely have to do some work later today... Ive just been doing lots of maths.. Been getting chuffed at myself for managing to solve every listed problem without any teacher's help. Thats to that website, I can even check if I've done it right... Calculus.Org I think it was. But I keep getting confused with really simple things now that I've starting handling a bit more complicated problems. Couldn't even integrate mere inverse square root of x. But as always since yesterday, which was when I found the website, I've been getting the help from that website when I need it.. its a very good substitute teacher... Anyway, didn't do a lot yesterday either... except of course for the occasional homework and watching TV. Omg would you believe who I met yesterday online? It was Jessica, not talked to her in over a year... I was so happy... She seemed equally pleased to meet me as well. We had a long conversation which lasted for hours. She even sent me pictures of her. This may sound sad, being happy getting reunited with someone in the internet who you met over the internet in the first place... but it was more than that... We were quite close and we spent so many hours together in Runescape. We were almost always there for each other. She was a large portion of a reason why I stopped playing RS because it just seemed so pointless without her... You wouldn't believe what a joyful moment it was when I was talking to her again. She told me she was going to university and she had her own place. She even mentioned she was after a guy with personality like mine but not the looks... Which I don't mind too much... People say that but I have grown up learning not to take offense when someone talks about how you look. Actually, I know what I look like and I actually like it when people are being honest. I'm drawing for a contest held my Ida Mary Walker in deviant art. I'm drawing a Pirate Girl sitting back on a treasure chest under a palm tree in an island with a ship arriving on the horizon. Ida has such a good stack of photos you can choose and draw from and until yesterday, I hadn't even realized that she was an amazing artist herself than just a model. I looked at her collection and they were just amazing pieces of work. The more I do art, the more I realize there are always going to be people who are better than I am and that is what motivates me to push harder to reach my highest potential. I just hope I can carry of this legacy for a significant portion of my life if not all. And I also hope I can do it for other subjects other than art coz as of this moment, I only seem to be doing that for art. Anyway.. I think i will stop writing now... so peace out.

Recovery...

2007-04-28T12:27:00.000+01:00

Oh no I was really hoping to post a blog everyday for the rest of the year but I suppose I've kind of messed up now coz I didnt post one yesterday... I was so tired last night coz I hadnt had sleep for nearly 44 hours... I was wrecked and were guests in the house, I just fell asleep on the sofa whilst listening to them chat... Hopefully I didn't offend them in anyway coz I remember hearing my parents explaining to them why I was like that. I guess I will try and remember everything that I can actually remember from yesterday and post them here coz memory does seem to decline loads when you haven't had sleep... since I can hardly remember anything. Well... I remember being tired as a dead meat throughout the day.... and I remember doing lots of art... I was doing it till nearly 5 o clock and managed to miss my train because I was just on time at the station to see the train leave so I had to wait for the express train at the Central station... luckily there was still a train available to take me to Central coming from Ashford. Then as we had the Barbecue organized, I was supposed to cook/burn the meat till my dad got back from work... After he got back, I watched a little bit of South Park... oh I'm so hooked to South Park at the moment... obviously not as hooked as Bikrant is to Naruto but I need 1 or 2 doses a day... that sorta thing.... I was so glad it was weekend coz I could sleep all I wanted and indeed I did.. got up at 9... and after washing up, watched the news. Apparently there was some earthquake but I didn't even feel it... I've never felt an earthquake in my life so I was really hoping I could witness this one but I've missed it again coz I was sleeping... :( Ah well, hopefully there will be another one before I die... Hmm well... don't know what else to say... I don't know what I will be doing for the rest of the day... hopefully my homework... talking about work, I am going back to work next week on Friday... and also talking about work, I finished the drawing that I started months ago on photo shop... I decided to make them elves for some reason... I tried uploading it to DA but apparently their server isn't working properly so I'm gonna have to try again later on.... well this is it for today... laters.

Computing Coursework Deadline Eve

2007-04-26T20:12:00.000+01:00

Today wasn't too bad either. Quite productive I thought. Completed 2 paintings. I thought the one Gillen picked was an interesting one because it ended up looking quite nice... still need to do some more work on it though... I will probably finish it by tomorrow. The computing deadline is tomorrow as well so I am gonna have to work as hard as I can to get it done tonight. The testing and implementation bit is the one that I really have to get done... That prick was talking to me today... I decided I'd just play along and talk back and see what he had to say... apparently he wanted me to see from freaky video... which I thought was quite freaky to start with so I decided to turn the volume down... but it was not that bad at all... It was this girl who had a cranky voice and she talks at the screen and puts her face down in a bowl and straightens up again and finishes with another cranky bit then it ends... that was basically it... I thought it was going to scream at my face or something... well glad thats over.... Rob is trying to reach me on msn right now but I am too busy writing this so he's gonna have to wait... sorry dude... lol. So what else did I do today... oh had a really good stomach flushing early in the morning... the Senna tablets are miracles... they work like magic... I think I will stick with them for the rest of my life coz they are actually really helpful... I can go to restrooms regularly... I think I will not talk too much about this. Omg, I'm getting so good at integration its crazy... although I cant understand why I got that problem wrong earlier... probably because I was in a bit of a hurry trying to finish it before the train stopped at Ashford. Well I will have a look at that later... Tej and his family from nextdoor are coming over tomorrow for dinner... looking forward to that... also looking forward to the beer craving relief remedy later tonight once everyone is asleep. Thats about it. Catch you tomorrow.

Hot Summer Day

2007-04-25T19:49:00.000+01:00

Well I can gladly say that was another productive day... although I wish it could be more productive.... I've been wasting time for the last 2 hours surfing about... not doing any work with exams and coursework deadlines right ahead of me... okay.. I will definitely do them after I finish writing this... Oh, sorry... I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Bharat and if you read on, there will be more about me... as for now... all you will need to know and will know is my name. I spent my day today doing my art project. Made this painting of a lovely view... that I took a picture of a while back. I like it the most among everything I took but everyone else seems to disagree. In contrast to yesterday, today has been an all in all a better day... Posted that painting with trees today on deviantart... if you wanna check it out, you need to visit b-kunwar.deviantart.com. The chemistry revision was also adequately helpful. Learnt about benzene chemistry and transition metal chemistry. Oh, nearly forgot the reaction order chemistry... I learnt that when the concentration of a certain reagent in a certain reaction is changed, the rate might double, quadruple or just remain constant. When the concentration doubles as well as the rate, its first order reaction. When it double while the rate quadruples, its a second order reaction. When the rate remains constant while the concentration change, its a zero order reaction. It finally made sense... That moment felt so happy when I got it.... what else... really need to finish that computing coursework later. Erm.... that chemistry lesson earlier this morning was also helpful. Did loads of repeats of that potassium manganate 25cm cube., sulphuric acid 20 cm cube. and potassium iodide 15 cm cube. where you mix em up all and titrate them with sodium thiosulphate. After it turns pale straw in colour, add the starch and titrate really slowly till it turns clear. The average titre result was 21.5 cm cube. Oh and i need to do the calculation for that as well. Wow writing a diary really is helpful. Helps you remember thing....